I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
