She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You made out with two different species that night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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