someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
