just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize