i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
