The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
