I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
