Where is the hickey?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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