Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
