Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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