i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
