I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
