His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
