I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
