You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
