if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
