Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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