when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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