I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
