I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
