My nipple is on Facebook.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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