Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
