My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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