Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
