It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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