I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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