You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize