I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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