i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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