bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
