if only i could text you this smell
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
