dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
