you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
