Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
