you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize