No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
