Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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