i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
