Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
