my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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