Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
