Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
