I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
