i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize