The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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