careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You are the jesus of drinking
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
