Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
