Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
