I am in a vortex of obligation.
i barfeds in our rink
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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