I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
