Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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