i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this just has baby written all over it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
