My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
