i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
