i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
