I feel great
I just peed on a car
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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