My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
