this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
