I am in a vortex of obligation.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
