birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
