The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
