just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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