The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
