He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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