Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
