i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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