I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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