When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize