how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
