He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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