I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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