I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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