omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize