hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
